(This is a Precision

BM (Biased Media) Report - Washington D.C.

100,000...no wait...1,000,000 people gathered today in Washington D.C. in what they thought would be a peaceful anti-war demonstration. Events started out in typical fashion with Barbara Streisand as the demonstration's first speaker. Her primary focus was on global warming and how she had used it to dry her hair that morning before coming to the rally. Next up came Senator Ted Kennedy who stumbled while coming up the steps of the platform spilling out a small silver flask from his coat pocket. The senator stood in front of the microphone for a moment scanning the monumental record breaking crowd before covering up the mic and looking to one of his aides mouthing, "I thought you said this was an AA meeting." The senator quickly was ushered from the stage. Cindy Sheehan, having just signed a $10,000,000 contract to endorse Prozac, jumped on stage and grabbed the mic where she was promptly arrested for failing to obtain a permit to shove her loudspeaker up her @$$. The five pro-war demonstrators who gathered to protest the protest could not be heard jeering the record breaking 1,000,000 person crowd. As Sheehan was ushered from the stage by metro police, Michael Moore took the mic and congratulated everyone for allowing him to exploit the poor and the military to make millions of dollars for his upcoming quackumentary I Know What You Did Last Hurricane. As he finished his speech a roaring sound rose in the distance as an M1 tank began rolling through the crowd smashing hippies under its tracks. As the tank approached it vaulted a shot at Michael Moore blowing him up as well as the stage. The five pro-war demonstrators cheered gleefully at the carnage. After the onslaught was over and half a million hippies were crushed or blown to bits one survivor was asked why he didn't run when the tank came roaring through. He replied by stating, "FEMA should have been here! Where were they?!! Thousands of hippies are dead and it's all that horse judge...Brown's fault!!"